dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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