respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My feet surprised me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
