Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
