woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
