HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
