Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
