So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
