Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
