Non-Jews are for practice
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
