We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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