First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
