Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
