i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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