I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
