my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
