everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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