I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Never underestimate the power of titties
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
