I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
