dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
