PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
