babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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