yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
