So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
