you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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