Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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