Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
