Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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