How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
