This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
