did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
