Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
