My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
