I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
