I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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