Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
