2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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