I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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