im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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