you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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