so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
