I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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