his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
