i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
