absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
