Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
