There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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