Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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