Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize