Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i drank out of a bidet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
