If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
