Are we in a gay sports bar?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
