Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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