and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
