Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
