Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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