If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
