I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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