Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
