does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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