Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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