im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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