i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
