ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
