Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
