her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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