He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
