I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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