the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
