Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
