That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my liver is dry heaving
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize