So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
