the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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