...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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